Fuck you; I am...

I have noticed that when I am dealing with something or trying to make sense of a situation, I go hiking in the forest — I am attracted to nature and something much bigger than myself. This morning the air was fresh and the icy trail forced you to pay attention with every step. As I made my way, I ruminated — I was frustrated, and the more I reflected, the darker my mood got. Under my breath I mumbled, “Fuck you; I am…”. The murmur trailed off as I came to a stop. I stood in the forest on the first day of winter and I was different. My mood had changed: what seemed insurmountable was not anymore, the problems, although not gone, were straightforward to overcome. The person who walked out of the forest was someone totally different than the one who had entered an hour earlier.

But why? Metaphorically speaking, how was a cold, wet blanket that was suffocating me so easily removed? I had the rest of the hike to think about it.

Many will find the term fuck you vulgar, but everyone would agree that it is direct and forceful and pressures you to take notice. This sets the stage for the “You” in the term fuck you and needs to be dissected a bit — this could be directed to a specific person but, and this is important, it can also be directed to a situation or circumstance. More important still, it could be directed to yourself, and with honesty on the table, we all know we get in our own way more often than not… so get comfortable directing this to yourself.

Now to the second part of what I am starting to think is simply a forceful affirmation — “I am”. This really is the reason, or reasons you said, “Fuck you” in the first place.

• I am… skilled and competent.

• I am… strong and resilient.

• I am… honest and trustworthy.

• I am… adaptable and courageous.

• I am… smart!

• et cetera

I think you get my point.

On that cold sunny day, it simply changed the narrative and perspective which forced me to reflect on who I was and how I can overcome the situation. It’s important to remember it must always be “I am…” and never “You are…” because this is about you changing the narrative and owning the situation. You’re not blaming the circumstance on someone or something else, you are saying why you can overcome anything in front of you — I believe this only works if you simply say “I am”… and know it to be true and own it.

So there you have it, a reminder to myself as well as a catchy new affirmation mantra.

Also, if you happen to adopt this, you should keep it as a mind exercise or write it in a journal — running around saying Fuck you is just going to cause a kerfuffle.

iamgpe

*just 15 more blogs.

483 versus 500

Pixabay

The other day I decided to count the number of blogs I’ve written over the years and the current count is 483*. What was interesting about this exercise is my first thought wasn’t that this is a respectable body of work or to simply reflect how far I have come, but rather“500 blogs would be a more satisfying number”.

As I reflect on the journey to get to 483, I can still remember early on in my blogging efforts being questioned (in a rather aggressive way) why I would write blogs instead of doing other things to drive my business interests forward. Answers such as proving domain expertise, developing content for my social channels, improving my writing skills, and attempting something I had never done before were met with skepticism. Still I kept blogging. One person, who worked for a UK Newspaper said my writing style was, “comfortable; like falling into soft pillows”. And still I kept blogging.

500 blogs now hangs in the air. Why is 483 not good enough? It’s 96.6 % of 500, and on a test that would be impressive by anyone’s standards. Is it because of some misguided sensibility for even numbers or that 500 seems more powerful in some way? I think it simple reflects a desire to progress.

prog·ress

noun /ˈpräɡrəs/ forward or onward movement toward a destination

verb /prəˈɡres/move forward or onward in space or time.

As a noun or a verb, it speaks to forward or onward movement and with it, the opportunity to develop the discipline, actions, and character for growth. The underlying golden rule of any progress is you need a goal; something to move you toward. And for the pessimists in the group, yes goals are also involved to regress, but most people who are stagnating tend not to realize the goal they have set for themselves. Progress is growth, and a growth journey is where the joy and fulfillment are found; even when the goal is a challenge. Stagnation not so much.

Ultimately the idea of 500 blogs was a result of an innate desire I have to progress; to keep moving the bar, to keep growing — to keep the journey going! And if you are saying to yourself, “500 blogs is really more of an objective”, you would be correct. In the end though, like a goal, it’s just another tool for moving forward.

Progress is everything and maybe really the only thing for a successful journey. And to that end, I have an objective to bench press 200 lbs by the end of the year — if I’m having a good day and my shoulder isn’t bothering me, I think I have a shot. No matter what… PROGRESS!

iamgpe

*the 483 does not include anything I have written for others.

Reflections — a "poor philosopher"

As I creep closer to one hundred years on this planet, I find myself wondering if I could hit such a lofty goal healthier than ever, but mostly I find myself freeing up white space to think and reflect on things.

At my core, I’ve determined that I’m equal parts, “a poor scientist” and “a poor artist” — a curious combination, although if I look at this as a Venn Diagram, the section that overlaps has offered a wonderful commercial career in the biotechnology and healthcare field. To this day, I meet smart and interesting people, who have challenged me in wonderful ways, I’ve laughed often, cried occasionally, and done some things that still endure today.

I’ve recently determined a third part, a third circle in my Venn Diagram that has started to find its way onto the page — I am affectionately calling this “a poor philosopher”.

Where did this come from? I believe it started when I read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and began a journey to understand the ego, explore the ideas of other philosophers such as Alfred Adler, and ask, “What if everything I know and how I think is wrong?” I’ve always been a proponent of different perspectives and voices to find a better solution but now want to challenge the way I look at things and my critical thinking in different ways. There is a realization that my poor philosopher is crucial to protect my agency in the age of AI and to combat the doublethink and multitude of influencers that have found their way into every social feed.

My first-year philosophy course suggested I am on the right path when I say, “I’m a poor philosopher” — this is fine because I am now looking at the intersection in a three-circle Venn Diagram. It is here that the sum will be greater than its parts.

What will this look like? It’s part of the journey and still coming into focus, but I do know it will be one part science, one part art, and one part philosophy.

iamgpe