Fuck you; I am...

I have noticed that when I am dealing with something or trying to make sense of a situation, I go hiking in the forest — I am attracted to nature and something much bigger than myself. This morning the air was fresh and the icy trail forced you to pay attention with every step. As I made my way, I ruminated — I was frustrated, and the more I reflected, the darker my mood got. Under my breath I mumbled, “Fuck you; I am…”. The murmur trailed off as I came to a stop. I stood in the forest on the first day of winter and I was different. My mood had changed: what seemed insurmountable was not anymore, the problems, although not gone, were straightforward to overcome. The person who walked out of the forest was someone totally different than the one who had entered an hour earlier.

But why? Metaphorically speaking, how was a cold, wet blanket that was suffocating me so easily removed? I had the rest of the hike to think about it.

Many will find the term fuck you vulgar, but everyone would agree that it is direct and forceful and pressures you to take notice. This sets the stage for the “You” in the term fuck you and needs to be dissected a bit — this could be directed to a specific person but, and this is important, it can also be directed to a situation or circumstance. More important still, it could be directed to yourself, and with honesty on the table, we all know we get in our own way more often than not… so get comfortable directing this to yourself.

Now to the second part of what I am starting to think is simply a forceful affirmation — “I am”. This really is the reason, or reasons you said, “Fuck you” in the first place.

• I am… skilled and competent.

• I am… strong and resilient.

• I am… honest and trustworthy.

• I am… adaptable and courageous.

• I am… smart!

• et cetera

I think you get my point.

On that cold sunny day, it simply changed the narrative and perspective which forced me to reflect on who I was and how I can overcome the situation. It’s important to remember it must always be “I am…” and never “You are…” because this is about you changing the narrative and owning the situation. You’re not blaming the circumstance on someone or something else, you are saying why you can overcome anything in front of you — I believe this only works if you simply say “I am”… and know it to be true and own it.

So there you have it, a reminder to myself as well as a catchy new affirmation mantra.

Also, if you happen to adopt this, you should keep it as a mind exercise or write it in a journal — running around saying Fuck you is just going to cause a kerfuffle.

iamgpe

*just 15 more blogs.

Moments — You are not your Mistakes...

I have no context to this — it may be the work of a local urban artist, possibly some sort of clever marketing or even the name of a new business. What I do know for certain is it was spray painted on a boarded-up window of what I assume is a local shop under renovations. With a registered trademark and a date, it simply said, “You are not your Mistakes”. I have assumed it wasn’t “You are not your Mislakes” and the author simply forgot to cross the “t” which is a little ironic.

“Yes you are”. I actually said it out loud.

I was reminded of other trite phases such as “This is not who I am” or “I’m bigger than this” which often find their way into a conversation when self-reflection is forced. These words could actually infer lessons learned and that you hold no burden for your mistake but I have to take this at face value so it comes across lacking ownership or responsibility.

There is no ethical consideration for the need to correct your mistakes but it’s in the lessons and skills learned though correction that makes it important for you to do. And even this reason is more of a technical issue, so you don’t repeat the mistake, waste time and energy, and it allows you to move onto your next mistake — the real consideration is one of character and the ultimate reason I said, “Yes you are”. It is a universal truism that those who own their mistakes and work to correct them are of strong character (full stop). And why should you care? Because strong character will help you get through those really big mistakes successfully, particularly when you need someone’s help and you are depending on them.

I think it is more appropriately said,“You are your uncorrected mistakes” because it focusses on what’s really important.

iamgpe

PS — If by chance the name of the business is actually “You are not your Mislakes®” I don’t think anything I have said is off the mark but I will have to apologize to the author. I will let you know.

It may seem like I want to discuss hiring people...

Like with most things we get better the more we do something, and for me I became rather good at hiring people. In the beginning there was a learning curve and there was the ever-lurking spectre of making the wrong decision, but with some good hires made, lessons learned, and a process in place, over time there were very few that I look back on with any regret.

You might think I'm about to offer perspective on hiring, but you would be wrong. And although the following is about a hiring situation, you would still be wrong.

Like any good hiring situation, there is a hiring manager and an interview team to help onboard the best possible candidate. Depending on the size of the organization there is most likely HR support and maybe even a Talent Acquisition team to help find possible candidates. Most interview processes involve a number of rounds that result in two or three possible choices; from there a decision needs to be made. As I reflect on a specific hiring situation, we had done all the interviewing and had boiled it down to two candidates; a debriefing meeting had been called to get everyone's insights, thoughts and opinions — This is particularly important because it ensures the best decision is made. The team's feedback was split regarding who the best candidate was, and one person in particular was very vocal regarding who needed to be hired and how it was really the only choice. Finally I looked at the phone (it was a conference call) and simply asked, "Who owns the hiring decision?"  After a moment, a voice sheepishly spoke up and said that the hiring manager did. With that clarified, I thanked everyone for their input, and told them I would make my decision by the end of the day.

And there you have it, what this is really about is Ownership. 

And why the need to write 313 words before I mention "Ownership"? Mostly because when you boil it all down there are really only two points to be made about ownership, and it wouldn't have been much of a read.

If you want to accomplish anything you need to have an Owner (Full Stop)

There can only be one Owner (Full Stop) 

I suppose we could also look to this famous saying to offer insight into what I have said — A camel is a horse designed by committee. And the reason is that although the camel is a magnificent animal, we all know if there had been an owner it would have been a horse.

iamgpe