Fuck you; I am...

I have noticed that when I am dealing with something or trying to make sense of a situation, I go hiking in the forest — I am attracted to nature and something much bigger than myself. This morning the air was fresh and the icy trail forced you to pay attention with every step. As I made my way, I ruminated — I was frustrated, and the more I reflected, the darker my mood got. Under my breath I mumbled, “Fuck you; I am…”. The murmur trailed off as I came to a stop. I stood in the forest on the first day of winter and I was different. My mood had changed: what seemed insurmountable was not anymore, the problems, although not gone, were straightforward to overcome. The person who walked out of the forest was someone totally different than the one who had entered an hour earlier.

But why? Metaphorically speaking, how was a cold, wet blanket that was suffocating me so easily removed? I had the rest of the hike to think about it.

Many will find the term fuck you vulgar, but everyone would agree that it is direct and forceful and pressures you to take notice. This sets the stage for the “You” in the term fuck you and needs to be dissected a bit — this could be directed to a specific person but, and this is important, it can also be directed to a situation or circumstance. More important still, it could be directed to yourself, and with honesty on the table, we all know we get in our own way more often than not… so get comfortable directing this to yourself.

Now to the second part of what I am starting to think is simply a forceful affirmation — “I am”. This really is the reason, or reasons you said, “Fuck you” in the first place.

• I am… skilled and competent.

• I am… strong and resilient.

• I am… honest and trustworthy.

• I am… adaptable and courageous.

• I am… smart!

• et cetera

I think you get my point.

On that cold sunny day, it simply changed the narrative and perspective which forced me to reflect on who I was and how I can overcome the situation. It’s important to remember it must always be “I am…” and never “You are…” because this is about you changing the narrative and owning the situation. You’re not blaming the circumstance on someone or something else, you are saying why you can overcome anything in front of you — I believe this only works if you simply say “I am”… and know it to be true and own it.

So there you have it, a reminder to myself as well as a catchy new affirmation mantra.

Also, if you happen to adopt this, you should keep it as a mind exercise or write it in a journal — running around saying Fuck you is just going to cause a kerfuffle.

iamgpe

*just 15 more blogs.

Celebrate everything — a journey to success

A belated Merry Christmas to all, and I do hope Santa was good to you — and yes, I still believe in Santa Claus. It was a wonderful Christmas with stockings and presents and a fine prime rib cooked to perfection (See recipe below. My gift to you.)

In my daughter’s stocking, she received a cribbage board and a deck of playing cards — a game neither of us had played in many years. If you are not familiar with Cribbage (or Crib), the object is to score 121 points using various combinations of cards; these card combinations that add up to 15 or 31 get you two points when pegging and when counting, combinations of 15 get you two points and various combinations get you other points. All of this counting is recorded on a board with holes that takes you to the magic number of 121. The Internet will offer a much thorough overview.

Between the last present being opened and the first potato being peeled, we decided to play a game or two. It didn’t take long to remember the rules but counting efficiently took a little time — any given hand can result in points anywhere from 0 to 29, and depending on the hand, counting can get a little tricky.

As we started getting into the game I counted out, “15-2 and a pair is four”. As I went to peg my points out my daughter simply said, “fantastic”. The second time I counted out, “15-2, 15-4 and a run of 3 for 7” she piped in with, “Great.”

We played two games and whenever I counted there was a comment of celebration. A Pair of 2s and a Pair of 7s — “Great !” 15-2, 15-4, 15-6, 15-8 and three of a kind makes 14 — “Way to go!” I asked her why she was so enthusiastic when I scored such low points and she simply said, “I’m a cheerleader.” It was at that moment I knew what kind of leader she is, understood her success, and the reason for her promotions. We laughed every time she offered encouragement for my score, and we discussed the hand we just played as well as how we could have played the hand better. We had wonderful time reconnecting with a game we loved.

Afterwards it struck me how the game of cribbage, at least the way my daughter plays it, is a metaphor for achieving a goal. As you progress to any goal, generally speaking you need to know that there will be times where you don’t progress at all, many times you progress a little, and some times you progress considerably. Each is to be celebrated, reviewed, and built upon. It simply is how you go about achieving any goal.

They were close games, I can’t wait to play again.

iamgpe

*Best to use a Prime Rib with the bone and has rested till it is at room temperature. Liberally coat the meat with Kosher salt and let it stand for one hour. Finally, coat the meat with a Butter and Herb to Provence mixture and put it in a roasting pan. Pre-heat the oven to 500° F, and then using math, multiply the weight of the Prime Rib by 5 — this will be the cooking time. Once the oven is at 500° F put the pan in the oven for the required time plus one minute. When the timer goes off, turn the oven off and let the Prime Rib stay in the oven for two hours. Do not open the door for two hours. Don’t let anyone else open the door for two hours.

After two hours you may open the door. The Prime Rib will be cooked perfectly. Enjoy!

Reminders — your choices are all yours

happy or unhappy

kind or cruel

generous or selfish

Choices are rarely black or white but rather a spectrum of grey and rarely right or wrong because life and circumstance make everything just a little messy. Although, with enough time and like a scatter plot, your tendency will lean one way or the other and offer a reflection of who you are.

knowledgeable or ignorant

trustworthy or unreliable

honest or deceptive

Freewill is to blame (ask any philosopher). It gives us the ability to choose, set our own destiny and by extension, becomes a major contributor to our identity and place in the world. I am not suggesting this is the only factor that contributes to who you are or that all choices are equal, simple, or easy. In many cases choice is not binary and there are more than two choices available — although in many of the most important aspects of who we are (or want to be), it does lean one way or another and is easy to call out the choice you have made.

tenacious or complacent

accepting or intolerant

brave or complicit

Choice, and the results of your choice, brings consequence. It always strikes me funny when I hear someone say, “That’s not who I am” because of something they have done. Without fail, and sometimes out loud I say, “of course it is, it’s exactly who you are”.

responsible or careless

hardworking or lazy

humble or arrogant

It’s important to own your choices. One reason is because you don’t want to find yourself reflecting on your life and dwell on the regrets as a result of your choices. A second reason is simple accountability. It is imperative to take accountability for who you are and the consequences of your choices — it is the only way to ensure you are the person you want to be. If you don’t look in the mirror and self correct you, will find yourself looking back on your life with a list of grievances and reasons why it was someone else’s fault.

It was no accident the choices I offered were of character and not simply should I be a lawyer or a welder. As we come to the end of 2024 and as impossible as it sounds, in many respects it is worse than 2023, I keep wondering if we are simply choosing wrong. More and more, social media content stream AI generated content that reflect exaggerated, if not completely made up, content. How long until I can’t tell it is AI generated? It is obvious we are leaning into deceit in this regard, and I can’t help but wonder if maybe honesty will take us to a better place. I should point out that AI does not make character choices but its current masters do so we can only hope.

I believe more than ever we need to look in the mirror when it comes to our choices and the consequences. 2025 is just around the corner, and I think it’s fair to say we need to course correct a little.

iamgpe