Why do we tolerate "untrustworthiness"?

Yes untrustworthiness is a real word and is defined as, "the quality or state of being untrustworthy"... with untrustworthy meaning, "not able to be relied on as honest or truthful". 

Why do I bring this up? Let me tell you, and although some may think me naive, hear me out because eventually I will get to how it impacts optimizing your execution.

The other day I mentioned in passing that I had an agreement with someone and  immediately the question was, "do you have it in writing?" To that I mentioned I had a letter of intent... with shock she said, "You need a contract!" After offering some context to the situation, I then said, "I trust the person". The horror that spread over her face... it was as if I had slapped a baby*; we changed the topic.

I understand that there is process, procedure, and complicated situations where clarity of language and interpretation is needed... I get contracts; what struck me though, was the extreme insistence that a contract was needed and all would be solved**. This is not the first time I have heard this type of thing, and it is as if there is a grand untrustworthiness that surrounds us... all to be solved with a contract. 

It was not so long ago that the handshake or raising of a glass was not simply a symbolic gesture; someone may actually be trying to kill you. Maybe we are hardwired to assume that we are all simply untrustworthy and have to act accordingly, if only for survival's sake. The problem is that sustainable success in anything involves working with others, and with that comes our struggle to find trust - We need each other for our mutual success, but innately don't trust anyone... the universe sure has an interesting sense of humor. 

So maybe the response of "get a contract" is natural and ultimately the correct one... but then again, she could have said, "do you trust this person?" Our energy seems to be directed towards putting mechanisms in place to minimize "untrustworthiness", instead of maximizing trustworthiness; we insidiously re-enforce an underlying belief that unless there is some sort of document to hold a person accountable, being untrustworthy is alright. Where this is really problematic is with the small stuff, and that brings us to its impact regarding optimized execution. Let me offer an example - 

Your team needs to get a project done, on time, on budget and it has to "shine"; you have a team where you:

• Trust that people will meet their deadlines, as you know things are usually all connected.
• Trust that if issues arise they will be communicated quickly and accurately.
• Trust that professionalism will trump any personal issues.
• Trust that people will raise their hand if they need help.
• Trust that there will be candid, open communication.
• Trust that "confidences" will not be compromised.
• Etc.

Knowing that the right "skills" are in place to support that trust, I would suspect you are confident that it will get done with great fanfare.

Now, if we started substituting out "trust" for "untrustworthy", how comfortable would you feel? Can you already envision the little problems growing into bigger problems, missed deadlines, apathy, and sub performance as "untrustworthy" creeps in?

It is true that trust needs to be earned, but it also needs to be promoted, supported and recognized. Building trust is a mutual endeavor and may be very situational specific, but there are pillars that you can generally count on for support:

• Do what you say you will do.
• Take responsibility for your actions.
• Act with the best ethical and moral intensions.
• Be honest (and it will hurt sometimes).
• Offer up your experience.
• Communicate openly.
• Wholeheartedly support and foster trustworthiness.

There will always be a need to a good contract; I have a few of them myself. But when you look over at the person you work with every day, your teams, the entrepreneur you are looking to partner with or the person you are thinking to bring on as a partner, the foundations for mutual success will not be build on a "tightly worded contract", but TRUST in each other and the desire to get things done.

For me, trust first, then a contract; saves on legal fees in the end. Plus I guarantee your execution will be much better for it... trust me. (sorry for that)

gpe 

* no babies were slapped in the making of this blog.

** I have also heard that a contract is as good as your lawyer... not sure where I heard it though.

Enjoy it. Because it's happening.

There is a simple truism and it is, "if you do something, something will happen". And yes, it does conjure up images of that famous crime fighter Captain Obvious*... please indulge me a little before asking me to reach for my cape.

Let me begin by saying that "doing something" does not include "hoping", "worrying", "praying", "wishing", "lamenting" or anything of this ilk. As much as some people believe that something will happen as a result, it rarely does... other than wasting energy I suppose. 

"Something" refers to action; measurable and elicits a reaction. In other words, if you want to make something happen, you have to take action! And with that Captain Obvious strikes again... or does he? Have you ever know someone who was "waiting for it to happen?"

Dr Seuss famously called it the Waiting Place: 

"...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting. 

Only by doing something can you "escape the waiting place" and make things happen. It may be obvious, but if we are truthful, we have all spent some time in the waiting place. "If you do something, something will happen" may not be as obvious as we think, and definitely easier said than done. 

Don't get me wrong... "doing something" and taking action is actually easy! Where that challenge lies is what happens as a result. Sometimes it may not go exactly as expected. But that is OK! The important point is something is happening - It is all good!

I feel obliged to point out that when I refer to "doing something", it is in the context of positive action, being constructive, and that you would have no issues involving your mother. So as you are making something happen (with or without your mother), remember this - 

• You are getting closer to your goals and dreams**
• You actions are initiating a change, and change is good!
• Making something happen is usually an iterative process, Things build upon themselves.
• For everything that happens, you have learned something.
• "Making it happen" will take you places you would never thought possible.
• You have a lifetime, so keep working it.
• Enjoy it! Because it is happening.

Life, love, work and play... these are our adventures; do something and make them happen. 

gpe

* Captain Obvious: a title given to someone who openly states something obvious... such as "Hot Chocolate is hot"

** Dreaming is internally driven and the birthplace of aspiration, goals and ultimately action to make it happen; different from "wishing, etc" that look to external forces or hold negative energies.

"In your heart of hearts... will it work?"

The following is the original and the rewrite can be found by clicking here.

Some time ago I was in a meeting that was rife with opinions regarding the issues of a project, technical discussion, and ultimately would it get off the ground. As the meeting was breaking up a leader looked at the project owner and simply asked, "In your heart of hearts, will it work?". I thought it was a brilliant question!

For those of you not familiar with the term "In your heart of hearts", it is an idiom that refers to knowing something for certain very deep inside yourself, although you might not want to admit it - Not even yourself sometimes.

The question had nothing to do with technical specifications, resource management or operating mechanisms, but something far more fundamental and core to building something sustainable - TRUST, HONESTY, RELIABILITY, the ability to get at the answer and make a better decision. 

Most of us are trustworthy, honest and reliable; it is the way we try to run our lives. Every so often though, we find ourselves with a situation that we believe in so much, have worked on so hard, and have committed so much to, that if signs arise contrary to what we believe, we suppress it - In effect, we start fooling ourselves. More often than not, it is not malicious, but simply "being human"; this is why I love this question so much... it gets to the heart of the matter. (Yes, the puns are intended)

In a practical sense, the answers to "In your heart of hearts... will it work?" are simply YES, NO or I don't know"... often there is preamble before you get one of these answers, but you will, just be patient. For the less patient in the crowd, you can set the question up like this... "In your heart of hearts... will it work - Yes, No or I don't know?" There is much less preamble in my experience. 

To be effective, this question should not asked by text, twitter, email, phone or anything other other than face to face. Remember that business is a social enterprise, so when you ask a "heart of hearts" question, you need to be face to face;  not only to uncover the answers you need to make a business decision, but also to confirm the fundamentals of trust, honesty and reliability. 

 It is such a great leadership question to ask, or to be asked... as like I've said, "it gets to the heart of the matter", helps make better decisions, and confirm you are working with the right people. You just have to love it!

There just seems to be an endless amount of puns with this... sorry!

gpe