Learn to be "comfortable with being uncomfortable".

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Inevitably two or three months into their new job, after the raw enthusiasm had worn off, I would often hear something along these lines, "Now that I am getting into the new job, I'm starting to realize everything I don't know; it makes me feel a little uncomfortable." *

With a "big knowing smile", I would always respond the same way, "Learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable." And then I would proceed to explain what I meant.

The first part of the conversation would focus on the technical process that comes with people development, and I would use "Situational Leadership" as the model for understanding. Situational Leadership was developed by Paul Hersey and Ken Blanchard, and is a wonderful leadership model (and framework) that articulates the leadership style most appropriate for the various stages of an individual's (or team's) development. See Ken's website.

Development Stage 1: Low Competence, High Commitment. (S1 Leadership: Directing)

Development Stage 2: Low/Some Competence, Low Commitment. (S2 Leadership: Coaching)

Development Stage 3: Moderate/High Competence, Variable Commitment. (S3 Leadership: Supporting)

Development Stage 4: High Competence/High Commitment. (S4 Leadership: Delegating)

I found this part of the conversation very effective, particularly with the Y Generation as it re-enforced there was "in fact" a development plan in place, what it was, how it worked, allowed for discussion and outlined the milestones for progress. I re-enforced that "being uncomfortable" was natural and in fact a good thing - The process of learning new things invariably makes you feel uncomfortable.

The conversation would continue with long term goals, aspirations and success; we would then get to the heart of what I meant by saying, "Learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable." Learning and development, both professionally and personally, are constant endeavours and needed for continued success - You need to get comfortable with this. The comfort with being uncomfortable is the indicator you are pointed in the right direction.

I have refined this conversation over the years, and in one form or another, have had it with every person I've had the privilege to manage and lead; no doubt some discussions better than others, and not all came with that "big knowing smile". 

This "big knowing smile" I refer to was saved for those who have the self-awareness to broach being uncomfortable in the first place... not because it makes it easier to start the development discussion, but because self awareness is another indicator of long term success.

As I look back on the people I had the "big knowing smile conversation" with, this does seem to be the case.

gpe

* A compilation of the "being uncomfortable" comments I have heard over the years.

Stories from around the fire...

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There is something about an open fire that transcends the dancing flame and the inviting smell; it beckons the memories of countless fires through the ages where people huddled for warmth, safety, a sense of community and with an invitation for stories to inform and entertain. I have been afforded the opportunity to spend a couple of weeks with my father as I transition into the city - One night we found ourselves around such a fire.

I should mention that my father, at the fine age of 85, is still very active on the golf course, travels once or twice a year, keeps his grass perfectly groomed and enjoys all the functionality his Galaxy S III can offer; definitely a good natured cranky old man who keeps everyone on their toes. As we settled in around the fire, our conversations began.

They started with the topics of the day and some of what we have planned in the future, but it was inevitably the stories of the past (our histories), where this transcendence occurs. I spent more time listening than talking.

The story of  "Management by Objectives" and reconciling it with "Management by Results", as the business worked hard to optimize the organization and implement the latest in management and leadership thinking. 

The story of a young man in his early twenties just out of the paratroopers full of piss and vinegar; feeling invincible as he walked down the darker streets of Detroit.

The story of being part of a survey team in Northern Ontario back in the early 1950's trailblazing and marking the way for future roads and other manifestations of civilization. Isolated for weeks at a time, with supplies flown in every two or three weeks, they managed through the terrain, black flies and the odd wolf pack to make their way.

The story of a team member being struck with appendicitis in the "middle of the bush" with no radio; getting innovative with a fire and smoke signals to attract people from across the bay. They came as quickly as they could - That's what people do!

As the fire and conversation faded, it was not hard to imagine a similar fire a thousand years ago; conversations and stories all in the same vain; "How to operate the farm more efficiently?" "Will the brashness of the village youth take them to war?", and "What will be done to get through the coming winter?" All starting with the topics of the day and then transcending with the stories of the past - Forever connecting us... forever reminding us that we are not alone.

Our life is our story.  Make it the best one you can and share it over an open fire*.

People are waiting to listen.

gpe

* It goes without saying that safety should come first, so make sure your open fire is controlled and can easily be extinguished. And for those of you who don't have the space to build a fire, I have seen a bunch of lit candles also work well. 

How are you today?

The following is the original and the rewrite can be found by clicking here.

"I am happy", was her answer. 

I smiled having heard this... invited her positive energy in, engaged in the conversation more intently, and walked away feeling slightly better for it.

Conversely, I remember talking to someone a month earlier that told me they have never really been happy; to that comment I had this overwhelming desire to flee and avoid infection.

With two personal data points collected in my now spontaneous research study, I have gleaned the following working conclusions:

Happy People make you feel better and more positive; bring an energy and a realization the world is a wonderful place with an infinite number of possibilities.

Unhappy People will drain your energy and bring negativity; they will leave you depressed, disheartened and shroud the possibilities of this wonderful world in darkness.

Intuitively we know some version of this to be true and there is a wealth of research on this topic (a Google search will prove this out). As I was reviewing more credible research to validate my small study, I came across some data out of the Harvard Medical School entitled - Happiness Is 'Infectious' In Network of Friends: Collective -- Not Just Individual -- Phenomenon.

The summary: Happiness spreads through social networks like an emotional contagion, according to a study that looked at nearly 5,000 individuals over a period of 20 years. When an individual becomes happy, the network effect can be measured up to three degrees. One person's happiness triggers a chain reaction that benefits not only his friends, but his friends' friends, and his friends' friends' friends. The effect lasts for up to one year. Conversely, sadness does not spread through social networks as robustly as happiness. 

With this new data in hand I think it's now apparent that a Network of Happy Friends (NHF) is everything! In combination with the energy that comes with Happy People, you now can add trust, honesty, support, respect, love, kindness and non- judgment. How valuable! 

And as I look for those quotes that have survived the annals of time to corroborate my "research", it didn't take me long - 

Your Wealth is where your Friends are. 

 - Unknown

Admittedly this is the worst research study ever... but the conclusions are not. Just ask my friends.

Thank you to all of them.

gpe